Parenting Principles

Trust
The real reality that kindness brings
Joy in everyday life
Provide a roadmap for overcoming problems

 

Part I. A healthy childhood has a firm foundation in TRUST.

 

From the time we are born our bond with our parents lays down our viewpoint of the world.

 

In the newborn’s world, needs are simple: food, shelter, attention, gentle touch, and cleanliness for good health. Most of us as young parents have no idea that these simple everyday tasks are the foundation for much larger psychological principles in our child’s world. The simple act of reassuring touch, cuddling, and holding is a sensory doorway to feelings of safety and awareness of care. These are the seeds of future self-assurance and self-care; the model for how we will take care of ourselves and the blueprint for who we will accept love and attention from in our future. Another need met is the simple act of a parent listening to their child’s sounds from sighs to grunts to cries. We all learn from our child to decide whether the child needs food, a new diaper, a little cuddling or other attention. We try different tasks until that child is able to give us a response of contentment and then we know that their need has been met. We have succeeded to be a parent, to fulfill our task of caring for our child.

 

Little did we know we are also teaching our child to trust. Think of how you trust. You do so most often when you get the same results from an action repeatedly. And so it goes with your child. They learn that you are going to answer their call in a certain way. How you respond is the key to your child’s future ability to negotiate for their needs. It is not a surprise that a child who is fed, clothed and hugged as they grow during infanthood when they request it by their only means of communication, a sigh, a grunt, or a cry, is a happy well-adjusted child. Equally, it is not surprising that a fussy, tantrumming child is the product of frequently being ignored, having mixed signals of care, or being scolded for having needs. The challenges that child faces in seeking attention for needs as an infant through toddlerhood will often result in an outcome of an irate and complaining little one. The parent will have even greater challenges to meet the child’s needs, because trust that the needs will be met is not apparent.

 

As little children, we learn the “roadmap” of trust for our journey of life and we apply it for our needs for the rest of our life. When we have consistent good care we become confident and hopeful and apply these to our life’s tasks. When we received mixed signals, lack of consistent, good care or neglect our “roadmap” for the journey of life is distorted and unreliable. We will have great difficulty in finding our way.